“I was flying out of Newark, right? Early in the morning. I got to the airport so early, Jersey didn’t even smell yet. That reek of piss that starts in Secaucus and mouthbreathes all over Rutherford and Nutley and East Orange? Could barely pick up on it. It was a gorgeous day, if you’ll recall. [...]
If you want to stare, then you do what you like.
Motherfucker.
Burn a hole through me. Give me that look that lets me know you remember. The face. What I did to you. What I did to your mom. It was good while it lasted, wasn’t it? Remember when I took you to a ball game [...]
“I don’t even know where to begin.”
“The beginning.”
“They gave me an assistant I didn’t want. Whether I even needed him was up for debate.”
“And he’s an idiot.”
“I’m not comfortable with that. Writing him off as an idiot doesn’t feel right.”
“A savant, then?”
“Oh, no. No, no. Drug use and a massive failure by the education system. [...]
My connection to Arizona is tenuous at best.
When I was a kid, my dad would go to Phoenix on business every few months and come back with a brand new wardrobe of Suns and Sun Devil gear for me. At the same time, I dreamed of going to ASU some day, for the simple reason [...]
“That sounds made up.”
“I swear to God.”
“I can’t even imagine. She must have been furious. It just didn’t occur to them?”
“It’s not like they’ve historically been the most considerate people.”
“That’s hardly an excuse.”
“Maybe they thought they were being considerate, that after all this time, it would just be a hassle to deal with.”
“Are you defending [...]
(2002. Cafe. Night. Empty but for the kid behind the counter and a man with an accent with Mediterranean ties.)
“Large. Strong. And this cake.”
“The cranberry? That’ll be three eighty.”
“Keep it. What’s your name?”
“Jordan.”
“This is a dangerous neighborhood, Jordan.”
“Really? It’s not so bad.”
“It’s not the safest. Do you carry a gun?”
“Oh, no. No. Definitely not.”
“Maybe you [...]
Basically, regrettable moments can be divided up into three distinct categories.
There are those that are accidental, slips of the tongue. The first time I met my good friend Matt, it was the first day of our last year of high school. We’d both just transferred, and I took his being tattooed as an excuse to [...]
I’m not exactly proud of this, but bugs freak me out.
Don’t get me wrong – I’ve dealt with them in some capacity for most of my life. Growing up, I lived in a house that was perennially occupied by spiders, ants, and cursed millipedes. (Or were they centipedes? Whatever.) We even had a barrel in [...]
So, this one time in Mexico, I thought I might get raped by this guy with whom I had to share a tiny, soiled mattress. And not just because he wore leather pants to bed. Let me explain.
In early 2005, I moved to La Paz, Mexico, for almost a year to write for BMEzine.com. [...]
[Note: This story gets pretty graphic and moderately gross. Don't act like I didn't warn you.]
Before we begin, a few things:
(1) I like genital piercings. They look good, they feel good, they’re the soup that eats like a meal, they’re the real San Francisco treat.
(2) Yes, they hurt initially. Yes, they’re still worth it.
(3) In [...]