As the title indicates … I am a lazy piece of shit. As has been pointed out to me near-daily, my neglect of this blog has been nothing short of criminal. That’ll teach me for revving up the hype machine too early on, I suppose. But I’m here to redeem myself, and if I play my cards right, I figure I can level off as an “over-priced Japanese pitcher” sort of underwhelmer rather than a “directed by Robert DeNiro”–type catastrophe.
At the risk of embarrassing myself yet again with another no-show, check back later tonight for the first installment of a three-parter based on what I’ve narrowed down as being the worst things to ever happen to my genitals. As a nice Jewish boy, the fact that I’ve had a long and storied past with regards to my junk should come as a surprise to precisely nobody, equal parts self-loving and self-destructive.
Also, this isn’t a cop-out exercise; that is, I’m not just listing crazy lays. (Because, really, where to begin? The one who would carve things into herself and blame them on me, only to be mellowed out later on by anti-psychotics? Or the one who all-but pinned a 100%-false date rape story on me to save herself the trouble of coming clean to an equally-crazy ex-boyfriend of hers? Oh, good times.) No, this is all valid prologue, and decidedly non-sexual. To me, that is. My wang-related trauma may just do it for you, in which case, you know, go nuts. (Literally?)
ANYWAY. If you haven’t forgotten about me, come back soon, and God willing, I’ll have something thoroughly disturbing for you.
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